July 28: The Biopsy and an Apology

My wife's sister expressed a little dismay that she wasn't among those included in people I'm sure read my blog to the end (July 26). So did at least 10 others. But maybe my brother James said it best of all:

"What the heck! I read the whole boring thing! Jeez Bro! I love you man!"

Dr. Lammers preparing for biopsy

So I thought I was just jabbing at my own long-windedness, but apparently I stepped on a lot of toes. I should know better. I've been alive for 50 years—and paying attention for nearly 40 of those—and I've never seen being self-conscious and apologetic in advance do anyone any good in any situation.

So now I'll apologize afterwards. That was a stupid comment I wrote about people not reading all of that blog.

Strength

I hear a lot of comments about my being strong, which I really appreciate. Sometimes, when I'm worn out, I'm pretty emotional, and the compliments make me cry.

But I want to make it clear that the biggest temptation I struggle with here is strength.

For example, this morning I knew the biopsy was coming. I made up my mind that whether the biopsy was dirty or clean I was going to face what was coming as God's will. I made up my mind to be strong and have a good attitude.

But I felt awful.

I'll let Hannah tell you about the birds that came to watch

I'm sure I could have been strong, maintained a positive attitude, and cheered up the people around me even while anxiously awaiting the marrow results.

But my strength is my enemy. If I had relied on my strength, I assure you that the hemorrhoids around day 10 would have wiped out my entire supply.

I'll let her tell you about the "good luck" gloves, too

So this morning I stopped. I climbed into bed, rolled onto my side, and started singing songs. Lorie (or Hannah, whichever you know her by) came and sat by my side and prayed for me. We got in the presence of God, and all need for strength disappeared.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee. (Isaiah 26:3)

Sorry, I memorized that verse many years ago in King James English.

In God's presence, you don't need strength. Truly, it's all good.

In your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (I think that's Psalm 16)

Pain and Conversation Value

The bone core

After the biopsy, Dr. Strickland asked me how I was doing.

"That was nothing compared to what I've gone through on the other side of that door," I said, pointing to the bathroom.

Dr. Strickland, who was watching Dr. Lammers perform the biopsy, said, "I'm sure Dr. Lammers will be glad to know that his biopsies are better than hemorrhoids."

In fact, there's not that much pain involved in a marrow biopsy, and it's a really bizarre experience. There's just nothing with which to compare the feeling of someone poking around inside your hip bone while you're awake. (Um, without Lidocaine, I assume it would be intolerable pain.)

So, I started thinking. You know, a marrow biopsy is worth having. The experience is probably of greater interest than the pain involved. (I met someone who volunteered for one just to provide her school with some healthy marrow for comparison.)

Hemorrhoids and tongue sores? Much greater pain, no experience value. I don't recommend those.

And then there's the conversation value. You'll probably enjoy the following video. (I'm sure that these YouTube videos of Brian Regan are pirated, so I only post or link to the short ones, and if you like them, maybe you'll buy his DVDs, CDs, or go see a show. Well, don't go see a show. They're all sold out, and they're all expensive. More power to him. He's funny, and he's clean. Rare combination nowadays.)

When We Know the Biopsy Results

We may know the results tonight, but this is a definitely a case where no news is good news.

There's a test that has to be run overnight. If one of the tests before that one is bad, then they can tell me my biopsy was dirty this evening. My hope is that Dr. Strickland does not appear at my door at all today.

If they're clean, then they can't confirm the clean result until the overnight test is run, too, so we don't want to know anything till at least tomorrow. Maybe they can report that at the morning rounds (about 8:30 am), but I doubt it. More likely, all the morning stuff has to happen, and I won't hear anything till afternoon.

July 24: News and Prayer Answers

I visited with Jerry a bit yesterday. His brother was there, and his brother is a 6/6 match for him for marrow donation. Awesome. He's set for the transplant.

Doc Halliday

That's not due for months, though. Next step is for him to get a clear marrow biopsy. His is probably going to happen Sunday or Monday. Please pray for him. He's also suffering a bit: cold, tired, nauseous, unable to eat. He's lost 17 pounds. The doctors say if he hits 25 pounds, they're going to feed him intravenously.

I've mentioned two brothers I met whose dad was due for a biopsy. Apparently, the dad got his biopsy day before yesterday, was told it was clear yesterday, and got to go home immediately to recover. He didn't like staying at the hospital, and they've apparently got more flexibility with that than I imagined.

Anyway, that was all exciting in the sense of good news, and accurate prayers. I told Jerry that I was going to pray--and ask y'all to pray--for all clear biopsies while I'm on the floor. I don't know that I have faith for that, but I figured I'd just have a lot of fellowship with God and maybe the presence of God would just work miracles. Things work that way pretty often.

Then when I leave someone else will need to take over.

A "clear" biopsy means that after chemo all the cells in the bone marrow have been destroyed. There are no cells, good or bad. At that point, the patient's blood and immune system will usually rebuild itself without any leukemic cells. If there are still bad cells left, then it's a "dirty" biopsy, and second round of chemo must be started.

My Report

Dr. Strickland examining lesions

I have less energy, breathe harder, and got my first mouth sore--very common side effect--which is on my tongue and makes eating painful. All of that is very easy to handle. The hemorrhoids continue, maybe slightly better than yesterday, and that is very difficult to handle. If I lay in bed on my side, it mostly doesn't hurt. Walking's a little painful, not bad, but trips to the bathroom are ... well, I suppose they're not as bad as a broken femur or giving birth, but I would be willing to say 8 out of 10.

That's a Brian Regan joke—short version or long version—though I'm not joking about it being extremely painful. I had a fingernail plucked out once when my finger was caught in a sprocket. The plucked fingernail was worse pain for sure.

A Couple Funny Burping Stories

My sister left me a comment after I said that I've always had trouble burping. She said she thought her contest-winning burping skills were because she's a Pavao.

Apparently not, but ...

Back when I was newly married, my wife and I were helping with a youth group at a church. She heard about a game in which the players race to eat a banana and then drink a 7-Up™.

Apparently, I wasn't insightful enough to see the point of such a game. I raced with the youth, ate my banana, and drank the whole 7-Up as fast as I could. I didn't win, but I did get the same results everyone else got--a bloated belly full of gas as the soda reacted with the banana.

Kids were burping everywhere, but not me.

I staggered to the kitchen in awful pain. My belly, which was flat back then, was bloated and tight as a basketball to the touch. I literally was wondering if I was going to burst my stomach and die.

Finally, I decided I had to do something because no burp was coming. The pain was worth a do or die solution. I took both fists and drove them into my belly as hard as I could. Fortunately, I didn't explode. I got a really massive burp out of it, though, and then, with the pressure off, I was able to get 2 or 3 more.

I came out of the kitchen white-faced, in a cold sweat, and told my wife what had happened.

The other story is more absent-mindedness.

The nurses have really liked my Auburn, California scenery pictures

My wife and I were at a Burger King, again back when I was in my 20's. On the way out I dumped my tray in the garbage can. Because of the where the garbage can was, this meant that I was standing between the counter and the very large, very full Burger King dining room, facing all the tables over the garbage can.

I must have had soda with the meal, and I must have had my mind in some other world, because I burped, loud and unrestrained, as I was dumping my tray. I think the turn of 40 or 50 heads probably roused me from my reverie, and I realized what I had just done.

Instantly, I dropped into a squat, hiding behind the garbage can. (Really.)

I waited just a moment, then got up and strode to the door at what was almost a run, never looking at anyone in the place.

Okay, well, that was real important. I hope you enjoyed that.