Day 22: Count Your Many Blessings

There's really nothing new to report. Everything's the same. My counts haven't come up, most of my rashes are gone, and we are just waiting for my stomach to start wanting food and a couple small rashes to fade away.

I slept a really long time last night, but in segments. Between trips to the bathroom—I have to suppose I still have a bit of a bladder infection—and medicine and vitals, I only sleep 1-2 hours at most. Each time I woke up, however, I was more depressed.

So when the nurse came in this morning and asked how I felt, I told her I felt terrible. I told her there was nothing wrong, I just felt terrible. Everything I put in my mouth tasted like my mouth, and my mouth tastes blah.

The nurse told me I was probably entitled to one blah day.

So I laid down, and I heard that song in my mind: "Count Your Many Blessings; Count Them One by One."

So I did, beginning with my children and my wife, I started counting my blessings, and I immediately started crying. My wife, who had just heard me talking with the nurse, asked what was wrong and came and laid down in the bed next to me. Once I got my voice I told her what I was thinking. We just laid there, and I recounted in my mind all the wonderful adventures I've gotten to live on this earth.

I've never been all that good a person. I've had problems with addictions, and, as a younger man, with a temper that was dangerous. But since the day I met Christ, I've believed that if I turned my life over to him, what he would produce would be far better than anything I could have hoped for. So I've walked away from my own hopes, dreams, and my own use of time, to pursue whatever I believed he was putting in front of me to do.

Boy, has that paid off!

He let me find the church. He let me live with people who helped me deal with my anger. He showed me the problems with my ideas of righteousness, and I watched as he taught us as a church to learn his righteousness, a righteousness based in love, understanding, and an ability to make a difference in a person's life.

I have a lot to give thanks for. My depression is gone, though I can't say I have any physical energy at the moment.

So, here at Vanderbilt we're hanging out waiting for blood counts to rise, and giving thanks to God for his many blessings.